Parents struggle so much! Announcing my new specialty: overwhelmed parents.

I’m excited to share that I’ve recently shifted my therapy practice to focus on a group that is close to my heart: overwhelmed parents. This blog post explains why I am now specializing in parents and why parents struggle so much.

This has become my calling because of five reasons…

1. Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m constantly surprised by how demanding and relentless it is, and I want to support others who are facing the same struggles I’ve faced—and share what’s helped me.

2. I’m immersed in parenting. Nearly everything I read, listen to, and watch centers around parenting and caregiving.

3. My background supports this specialty. As a former school-based child therapist, family/teen therapist, and teacher, I have an understanding of child development and child-rearing.

4. My clients who are parents carry so much. They carry the load of parenting, on top of what everyone else carries.

5. I want to disrupt intergenerational trauma, racism, and capitalism. Focusing on the family-level and how we are raising children will create social change.

We all know parenting is hard—even those who aren’t parents know it. But what many don’t realize is the extent of how hard it is and why.

Parents’ nervous systems/bodies are in a constant fear state, on alert for potential danger. Being in a role where someone is dependent on you for survival is extremely stressful. Most of this stress isn't even conscious, but held in the body and nervous system. It can cause frequent overwhelm, dysregulation, and irritability. The stress causes a vicious cycle and cumulatively builds, increasing sensitivity to anything, such as our children breaking something or making a mess. We might wonder "why did I react so strongly to that?!" It's because we are already and always in a state of dysregulation.

And, with parents who have complex trauma (history of not getting needs met, not feeling safe, not treated well, shame, rejection), our nervous systems are on high alert, in order to protect us from similar harm re-occurring to us. It can trigger/activate the deep wounds of our childhoods: attachment wounds, complex trauma, unmet emotional needs. Even if we've done tons of healing, parenting can make it feel like we're right back at square one.

It takes us by surprise and confuses us.

Take something as common as our child whining or crying—it can trigger the part of us that didn’t get to cry or whine when we needed to as a child. If our caregivers couldn’t meet our needs, didn’t know how to regulate their emotions, or responded with anger or silence, that pain can show up again now—in our body, reactions, and nervous system.

Parenting, especially as a parent with complex trauma is exhausting and relentless.

So, if you’re a parent—especially a new one—please ask for help. Ask again. Ask often. It might be hard to ask for help because maybe you didn’t necessarily need it before becoming a parent. Parents need to prioritize mental health and get help. 

I provide individual parents a space for you to tend to yourself and your parts, tending to old wounds. I give you the opportunity to release pressure and tension. And, to resource, motivate, and rejuvenate you. I also collaborate on strategies and resources for navigating the hard world of parenting. 

I offer trauma-informed, compassionate therapy for overwhelmed parents—virtually across California and in-person in Berkeley. Click here to schedule a consultation.

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