Creative activities for grief: Healing after loss

“Grief is love’s souvenir. It’s our proof that we once loved.” -Glennon Doyle

Altar/ofrenda to honor a loved one

Grief has been on my mind a lot lately, with the loss of so many Palestinians and also my clients' losses (including death or breakups). I am inspired to share some ideas—creative, practical, and compassionate—for those navigating grief.

What is grief?

Grief is a natural reaction to loss. It’s not a diagnosis or a process with a predictable ending. It looks different for everyone. Grief can come and go in waves, often bringing feelings like sadness, anger, disbelief (not denial), shock, worry, numbness, or yearning.

Unfortunately, there are also plenty of unhelpful messages people may hear, like:

• Don’t feel bad.

• Replace the loss.

• Grieve alone.

• Just give it time.

• Be strong (for yourself or others).

• Snap out of it.

• Keep busy.

I believe there are better ways to grieve—by accepting our feelings, expressing them, and not forcing ANYTHING. It's important to just BE and to not expect yourself to DO or be as productive as usual. Loss can also make us feel unsafe, so tending to your nervous system is an important part of healing. Tools that can help you engage your parasympathetic nervous system include humming, meditation, tapping, deep breathing, exercise, grounding, co-regulating (being with a calm person), etc.

Here are some activities to try on your grief journey:

*some of these are for those who have lost someone to death, rather than a break-up.

1. Tell your story

Sharing your story of what happened can help you heal. You might write about it or tell it to a caring listener. Prompts to try:

• How did it happen?

• Where were you when you found out?

• What was it like for you then—and what is it like now?

2. Ask for support

Grief can feel impossible to carry alone. Tell people what you’re going through so they can show up for you. Some people organize meal trains after a major loss, just like after a new baby. It can be too overwhelming to cook, clean, or manage daily life. Take time off work if you’re able—some jobs offer bereavement leave, and unpaid leave may also be worth considering.

3. Stay connected to your loved one

Explore ways to feel close to the person who died. Can you imagine them living inside you, or in another safe or beautiful place? Try drawing or making art of them there. If you’re spiritual, maybe you picture a guardian watching over them—or you. Write letters or record messages to your loved one. Share unresolved feelings, forgiveness, joy, humor, or even just what you did today.

4. Connect to others

Grief is often isolating. Who are the people you care about—and who care about you? Family, friends, community, neighbors, therapists, coworkers. If you don’t have someone nearby, there are online groups, grief therapy groups, and even Death Cafés (deathcafe.com) where people gather to talk openly about death.

5. Seek answers

Sometimes asking questions and learning more about what happened helps calm the mind and heart. And, there might not be answers and acceptance or letting go is what's actually needed.

6. Create rituals and memorials

Rituals and anniversaries help us remember, even when it’s painful. You might build an altar (inspired by ones from Mexican and other Latin cultures) with photos, objects, candles, their favorite foods or flowers. It could be permanent or set up once a year.

7. Hold on to memories

Healing is not the same as forgetting. You could create a memory box filled with special items, start a photo album, or make a book of stories. Include their favorite music, places, or recipes so their presence lives on.

8. Write a goodbye letter

Sometimes there are words left unsaid. Try writing a letter with prompts like:

• I apologize for…

• I forgive you for…

• I want you to know…

• I will miss…

• I will not miss…

When you’re ready, you could burn, bury, or release the letter in a way that feels symbolic.

9. Try family or group activities

Together, come up with three words to represent death. Draw three images, then choose one and create a story around it.

Or, write a dialogue with death itself—going back and forth—then read it aloud, even moving physically between “voices” as you do.

10. Find meaning

Honoring your loved one can also mean finding purpose in your own life. Journal prompts to explore:

• If you had one day to live over again, which day would it be, and why?

• What qualities of your loved one do you want to carry forward?

• How can their life or death guide you toward creating meaning?

Ideas: organize a cause in their name, volunteer, or use the love you shared as a foundation for the way you live now.

11. Seek professional help

Therapy can be a powerful support during grief, especially if grief turns into depression. Please seek crisis support if you are at risk of hurting yourself or another person (see my [resources page] for links). You’ll also find more support on my Grief page. Therapy groups with mutual support can also help.

Grief has no roadmap, but it does have companions. You don’t have to do this alone. Whatever practices you choose, I hope you find a way to honor your feelings, your nervous system, and your loved one.

I am a therapist in private practice in Berkeley, California. Reach out HERE if you're interested in therapy with me.