How to Find a Therapist

It can be quite overwhelming searching for a therapist…knowing where to look, what to look for, and what the process is. When I first sought out my own therapy (many many years ago in a different state), I did not shop around and I did not know at all what to look for. Looking back I realize that my first two therapists were NOT good fits and I might’ve made more progress if I knew more. I hope to help you navigate the process with this step-by-step guide, because you deserve a therapist who is a good fit.

Step 1. Determine your budget and insurance options. 

Decide what you can afford before searching for a new therapist, or whether you need to use your insurance. I wrote a blog about why I don’t accept insurance, and I still recommend paying out of pocket. However, needing to use insurance is understandable. If you don’t know how much you can afford, I wrote a blog that has some ideas called “Why does therapy cost so much?!” 

Step 2. Write a list of what you are looking for in a therapist, kind of a “therapist ideals” list, including “must haves” and “nice to haves.” Include qualities, such as:

• Gender, sexual orientation, specialties, ethnicity, age range 

• In-person vs. virtual or a hybrid

• Experience with (your) communities (Neurodivergent, LGBTQI, BIPOC, CNM…)

• Therapy Style: There are different “modalities,” “theories,” “orientations,” “approaches” to include in your search for a therapist. It’s not essential but can be helpful to know some of the common ones: Psychodynamic, humanistic, CBT, DBT, somatic, IFS, EMDR, Gestalt, relational, Jungian, systems theory, trauma-informed, expressive arts therapy, Liberation psychology…

You might not know the therapeutic style or approach you want, but you might think about or ask others what they like in a therapist. Some therapists are quieter and do active listening (reflecting) while others are more directive. Some therapists are more experiential and in the moment, facilitating opportunities for practice in-session. Some therapists explore roots and history. Some therapists just use talk, while others use meditation, expressive arts, somatics (body), etc. Some therapists are more solution-focused, while others focus on deep healing. Some therapists work short-term while others long term. It can be hard to know what works for you until you try it out.

You might also consider whether you want a therapist with a “lived experience” (of what you are struggling with). Having a therapist with a lived experience can be effective because they have experienced similar struggles and have healed from them. I suggest finding a therapist who has done their own therapeutic work. I also suggest seeking a therapist who specializes in your specific experience/challenges. For example, if you have early childhood trauma that really affects you today, you might want someone who specializes in it. 

Step 3. Conduct a search for a therapist in the therapist directories. Which directories? Psychology Today, Inclusive Therapists, GoodTherapy, TherapyDen, Gaylesta, and CliniciansOfColor. You might also look at therapists’ websites in addition to their directory profiles and see if the language and their photos draw you in or not. 

When looking in therapist directories and websites, you might wonder what the letters after a therapist’s name mean, and what type of license to look for. LMFT is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. LCSW is Licensed Clinical Social Worker. LPCC is Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. All of these licenses and educational backgrounds are generally equally good. The LCSW programs might focus more on social work, community work, advocacy… And, LMFT might focus more on relationships. Just because it says Marriage and Family does not mean that is what we are limited to. In actual practice, I have not experienced a difference between LCSW’s and LMFT’s. The “L” for “Licensed” is important. Having a licensed therapist means that the therapist has passed the state’s licensure exam and has accrued a certain number of practice and supervision/training hours. Though, there are some excellent “associate” (AMFT, ACSW) therapists who are on track to becoming licensed. Psychologists also can provide therapy, though their training is usually focused on assessments.

Look up licensure status! It is very rare for folks to look up therapists’ licensure status, but it can be a good idea. You can check if a therapist is indeed licensed, if a license has been revoked or if a disciplinary action has been taken against them. You can search them by name for California: https://search.dca.ca.gov/.

Ask around! In addition to searching on directories you can ask friends and family if they know any therapists. Some folks don’t want their friend or family member sharing therapists with them, but maybe they can ask their therapist for a referral. Or, If you have a friend, family member, or acquaintance who is a therapist, ask them to post in their therapist listservs or therapist facebook groups for you (maintaining confidentiality).

Step 4. Email/message at least 10 therapists, in case you don’t get back timely responses. I personally believe that video or in-person consultations are best, rather than a phone call. Body language is so important in determining chemistry. But, many therapists do phone consultations.  A consultation is like an interview for you both, usually 15-30 minutes long. You don’t have to include any specifics in your email, but if you do include some specifics, it might save you time and energy doing extra consultations. You can just write something like “Hi, I’m seeking individual therapy in-person in the afternoon. Do you have an opening and can we schedule a consultation?” 

It's important for both you and the therapist to make sure the therapist has what you need within their scope of practice. It might feel uncomfortable sharing so much with a stranger, but it’s normal and important.

What to talk about and ask in consultations….

1. I am seeking a therapist because… (name your goals, challenges, history of therapy).

2. Can you tell me about your experience with ______? (name your challenges or diagnosis)

3. How do you work with clients? What will I experience in sessions?

4. What is your schedule like? What is your fee? Do you accept insurance or provide superbills (for you to potentially get reimbursed by your insurance)?

5. Have you done your own therapeutic work?

Throughout the consultation and after, ask yourself “do we click?” and, “Could I potentially open up and trust this person?” Take notes during and/or after the consultation.

Step 5. Be patient, persistent, picky, and stay organized. It sometimes takes a while to find a therapist match. It can help to set a goal of sending 3 messages to therapists per week. If you get tired, maybe take a break. Keep a log (such as a spreadsheet or chart) of the therapists who you are considering and reaching out to. Include status of contact, like “emailed on ___date” and notes about them.

Step 6. Try them out. Try a session or three sessions with a therapist. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t worry about hurting their feelings. You deserve the best fit possible. I once didn't realize a therapist was a bad fit a few months into it. It was still helpful and I learned a new way to ask a question in consultations for the future.

Final Thoughts…

You should be proud of yourself for taking these major steps for your mental health. Please feel free to reach out to me with any questions about searching for a therapist. Also, I have a Q & A on my website that might be helpful for learning more about therapy. And, please make comments here about your experience and learnings about finding a therapist.